Glorious News

Our daughter is potty-trained. Becky praised her for being a "big girl" twice for things like helping Lucy. I guess that's all she needed to make her big girl status official. One day, she was soiling diapers like any old bum on the street, and the next day she's taking off her pants, climbing onto the toilet, wiping herself, flushing, and pulling her pants back up. Maybe she was exposed to some radiation or somethings.

As a reward for her new-found independence, Sam received her very first nightgown, which also affords her only one layer of disrobing when she is called by nature.

Easter Sunday. Word to your mother.
Lucy is not potty-trained, but we do find ourselves forgetting to change her now that our diaper needs are halved.


Courtesy of Jeremiah Fernelius Shakespear.

Flat Emma

My niece, Emma is in the 1st grade and one of her assignments is to send a small, laminated version of herself to someone far away to see what kinds of adventures "Flat Emma" can have. We were the proud recipients of Flat Emma. Samantha was in one of her frenzied carnivore moods, and Flat Emma was devoured almost as soon as she came out of her envelope.


Flat Emma starts her adventure through the digestive process in Samantha's mouth, where food is chewed up and mixed with saliva. This makes food easy to swallow and starts to break down the simple starches into sugars.

Flat Emma is then pushed to the back of Sam's mouth by the tongue and then she goes through the ESOPHAGUS. This is the tube that takes food down into the stomach. It has SPHINCTERS at both ends to keep food from coming back up.

Here she is in the STOMACH. It's a bag that can stretch as more food goes into it. Those ridges are called RUGAE (roo'-gay) that help mix up the food. The stomach also makes acid that kills bacteria and breaks down the food.

After the stomach, Flat Emma goes into the SMALL INTESTINE, which could also be called the "long intestine." In a grown up, the small intestine is about 20 feet long! This is where most of the good stuff is taken out of the food so it can be used by the body.

After the small intestine, Flat Emma and all the digested food go into the LARGE INTESTINE or COLON. In the colon, most of the water is pulled out so the soupy, used up food turns into poop.

The large intestine empties into the rectum, where the poop piles up before it's pushed out. It's a good thing Samantha hasn't learned how to use the toilet. Otherwise, Flat Emma would be on her way to the Kansas City Water Treatment Plant.

Flat Emma sure had an interesting trip through the DIGESTIVE SYSTEM. Maybe next time, she'll go to Cincinnati.

Bugs and Drugs

We've been struggling to get the right diagnosis and treatment from our pediatric group. Samantha's been spiking fevers for about 2 weeks. She also told us a couple times that her back hurt and we had one high blood sugar reading. They first tried to tell us that she had a virus. Then, with some insistence, they tested her for diabetes. Finally, with even more insistence, they did an additional traumatic urine collection and tested her for a urinary tract infection. The doctor seemed very surprised that we may have had a clue as to what was wrong with our daughter when the urine tested extremely positive for bacteria. She's already doing better on the antibiotics.
Don't be afraid to speak up for your children's health, folks. Those doctors are not omniscient.

If you look at our family collectively, this is what we look like. You might say that this picture is a representation of our family's soul.

Our youngest is not afraid to go after the most attractive person in the room.

Horse Poo

Farmers in England are required by law to provide their pigs with toys!

"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post."Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island




Birthdays for February the 21st:
1794 - Antonio L¢pez de Santa Anna, president of Mexico (1833-36)

Two girls, one wardrobe.

Gangster Lovin'

Never underestimate the stealthy skills of a 2-year old.

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Sweet, perfect, and sometime pukey.

Dang, it's still mommy.

In hopes of fulfilling NYC's slogan on Valentine condoms, "Get Some."

The "high" of Valentine's day mixed with toddler crayons.

"I want my yellow dress!"

Name that movie and Jon will write you a song.

By the way...

Becky had a dream the other night in which an evil baby was trying to attack her, and the only way to stop it was for her to chew the infant's flesh off its face.
Vote Obama!

You little...

We've managed thus far to rear a relatively well-behaved toddler without resorting to corporal punishment. I was hand-spanked occasionally during my formative years, and though I believe I developed into a modestly productive and mentally whole member of society, we're trying to avoid what we both feel is a less-effective method of discipline.
However, as our eldest matures, it's becoming increasingly difficult to find ways to encourage good behavior and create consequences for bad behavior. Just yesterday, after the little darling blatantly ignored her parents' instructions to stay off of mommy's sewing project, she was told to go to time out. Rather than the expected look of remorse and dread we were hoping for, she happily said, "OK!" and scampered over to the time out corner. She waited there for about 5 seconds and then said "Sorry, daddy...I said sorry."
So we're probably going to have to move to minimum time requirements. It could also be an opportunity to teach math. "You got out mommy's make-up. That's 5 minutes time out. You also spit on the kids at the mall. That's 15 minutes of time out. How many minutes is that, Sam?"
Daddy did Sam's hair. With mousse.

Lucy thought it was super-awesome.







It's been a while since we did one of these.

Presidential Prayers

Sam has been taking education courses at the local college and has learned the ideal environment in which to teach a dinosaur to be potty trained.

She has been praying herself to sleep at night in hopes that the Presidential candidates will "stop the bickering."

A blurry version of Sam's ideal man.

You're never too old or too young to use ProActive.

What you may

Look deep into my eyes...the gift you are sending Jon for his birthday should include chocolate-flavored furr balls

Sam and her evil clones.

Becky made these for some loved ones for Christmas. If you didn't get one, it's not because you're not loved, it's probably because you don't love enough.

As Sam tries to squeeze the cyber-life out of you with her death-grip Lucy is trying to save you with her angelic lazer-eyes. Blessed be the young ones.

Bag Tag

I was recently "bag tagged" which means I get to give my friends and family an inventory of the items in my bag. I still carry the diaper bag that the hospital gave us because it is the best if not the prettiest. Before I list, I bag tag: Jen H., Amber, Melissa, Chrissy and Mikelle.

All right Jen, you asked for it:

diapers

formula

toddler & infant clothing that has yet to be puked or pooped on

bag of tissues

4 used and dried up tissues

tampons in case of menstruation or bloody nose

baby formula

plastic bag for transport or disposal of biological waste

Lucy's growth chart from the doctor, which indicates that it's okay that 82% of her mass is cranium

slide whistle

gas drops

5 pens

3 baby bibs

yamaka

cell phone

bottle of Domaine Ste. Michelle, 2004