Monday, May 21, 2007

Valuable Information

Jon just wrapped up another term of nursing school. Despite his mediocre grades, he managed to learn a few valuable lessons by observing the conditions and reading the histories of some of his patients.

1. Do not try to outrun the police.
2. If you do try to outrun the police, wear your seat belt.
3. Don't drink alcohol.
4. If you do drink alcohol, start a liver transplant fund for the future.
5. Don't leave your car keys out where your Alzheimer's-afflicted father can find them.
6. Don't ride a motorcycle on the same street as an Alzheimer's-afflicted man.
7. If you wake up in the morning and you can't feel your leg or bear any weight on it, go to the hospital or call your doctor rather than going back to sleep for a few more hours.
8. Don't get lap-band surgery.
9. Don't get pancreatic cancer.

And that's about it. On a less depressing note, the little thing in Becky's abdomen has been making quite a fuss, and all the fussing seems to have dropped it down an inch or two. Becky's uterus, in turn, seems to be getting itself prepared for the inevitable expulsion. Perhaps this little girl will be more anxious to smell the world than her sister was.

This is what Sam does with any and all visitors to her room. You will jump on the bed, or you will be beaten severely with a plush duck.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Our Lord

Our toddler moonlights on the weekends as a revelator. Through her, we made a discovery this week that would make Dan Brown blush. We did, in fact, discover Jesus of Nazareth's MIDDLE NAME!!! Read on.....
As you may have read in the previous blog, Sam has been repeating words with increasing proficiency. She's been helping to say the blessing over dinner. This is a rough script of the wondrous event:
Dad: "Dear"
Sam: "Dear"
Dad: "Heavenly"
Sam: "Fawda"
Dad: "Thank you"
Sam: "Tinkoo"
Dad: "for"
Sam: "Fork"
Dad: "the food"
Sam: "Foo"
Dad: "Please"
Sam: "Pees"
Dad: "Bless........Bless.....Sam, don't eat yet. We're saying the prayer. Fold your arms. Ok. Bless"
Sam: "Bess"
Dad: "The food"
Sam: "Foo"
Dad: "In the name"
Sam: "Na name"
Dad: "of Jesus"
Sam: "Jesus Elmo Crise"
Dad: (Snicker snicker) "Amen"
Sam: "Amen"

In the name of Jesus Elmo Christ....Amen.