Thursday, December 7, 2006

The First

Jon and Becky Tolman met during a bar fight in a seedy little place called "Bloodhound Bob's" in downtown Detroit. Jon had just thown a couple Norweigians through a window when he was set upon by a burly man dressed like Liza Minnelli and a midget with Tourett's syndrome. Becky flung herself off the pool table and planted a stout dragon kick to the cross-dresser's lumbar spine. When Jon heard that crunchy snap, something else snapped in his heart and he knew she was the girl for him.
They were married the very next day by the captain of a salmon trawler. The twitchy, cussing midget gave Becky away and a set of vampire conjoined twins were the witnesses.
Samantha Love Tolman was born nine and a half months later. She was the first documented case of a baby born blue, not due to a lack of oxygen, but to the enormous amount of artificial coloring consumed by her mother during pregnancy.
Sam is now a toddler and already showing proficiency at the crossbow. Jon is currently in nursing school and enjoys Chicken Lo mein. Becky is pregnant and keeps busy ducking and building asphalt sculptures.