Saturday, May 30, 2009

Ditch

So here's some advice to people who might be planning a visit to the Kansas City Zoo in the future:
1) Turn off on the correct road.
2) If you happen pass the zoo and turn off on the next, narrow road so that you can go back to the zoo, please be aware of the narrowness of the road. There's a brief stretch of the road that has a sharp enough drop-off that a minivan will get very stuck if the back wheels drop into it.
3) If the back of your minivan happens to drop into this ditch, you don't actually have to call a tow truck to get you out. They'll come, believe you me, but they don't HAVE to. You can jack up the back of the van, put some boards and bricks under the wheels, and just drive the van out of the ditch, provided your tailpipe didn't smash down into the far side of the ditch and get clogged with dirt.
4) If you happen to not notice that the tailpipe has been clogged with dirt, so you think that you've damaged the engine somehow because the car won't stay on (a sort of "banana in the tailpipe situation), and you call the tow truck anyway...kick the tow truck driver in the groin right away before he spends an hour talking with his boss about whether or not to actually pull your minivan out of the ditch.
5) If your minivan gets pulled out of the ditch by the tow truck, and then you gun the engine trying to get the minivan turned enough to go up on the bed of the towtruck, and the dirt clog shoots out of the tailpipe like a cannon, just keep driving away before your conscience forces you to give the tow truck driver 25 dollars for his trouble.
6) If you start this adventure in the early afternoon, keep in mind that the zoo closes at 4:00 PM.

















We went to the park next to the zoo to give the incredibly restless girls a chance to expend some of their energy. They decided they were going to hear some animals regardless.

4 comments:

used bucket trucks said...

Great post... had a great time reading your articles.. keep it up man..

erica said...

too bad you missed the zoo. their goats are amazing. I hear that if you actually buy a goat, it will mow your lawn (getting rid of that pesky lawn mower problem) and feed you during the winter. A new goat every year has got to be better than a lawn mower. Plus no need for a family pet that the girls can get attached too.

Rachel said...

Thank you for the explicit step-by-step instructions. I'm going to read it to the kids as soon as I finish reading "How to Start a Revolution" to them. I like to make sure that they're prepared for anything.

Aaron and Melissa said...

Ha ha!! I just laughed so hard! Thanks- I needed it :) And thanks for the info-- now I know for when I go back...