By the way...

Becky had a dream the other night in which an evil baby was trying to attack her, and the only way to stop it was for her to chew the infant's flesh off its face.
Vote Obama!

You little...

We've managed thus far to rear a relatively well-behaved toddler without resorting to corporal punishment. I was hand-spanked occasionally during my formative years, and though I believe I developed into a modestly productive and mentally whole member of society, we're trying to avoid what we both feel is a less-effective method of discipline.
However, as our eldest matures, it's becoming increasingly difficult to find ways to encourage good behavior and create consequences for bad behavior. Just yesterday, after the little darling blatantly ignored her parents' instructions to stay off of mommy's sewing project, she was told to go to time out. Rather than the expected look of remorse and dread we were hoping for, she happily said, "OK!" and scampered over to the time out corner. She waited there for about 5 seconds and then said "Sorry, daddy...I said sorry."
So we're probably going to have to move to minimum time requirements. It could also be an opportunity to teach math. "You got out mommy's make-up. That's 5 minutes time out. You also spit on the kids at the mall. That's 15 minutes of time out. How many minutes is that, Sam?"
Daddy did Sam's hair. With mousse.

Lucy thought it was super-awesome.







It's been a while since we did one of these.

Presidential Prayers

Sam has been taking education courses at the local college and has learned the ideal environment in which to teach a dinosaur to be potty trained.

She has been praying herself to sleep at night in hopes that the Presidential candidates will "stop the bickering."

A blurry version of Sam's ideal man.

You're never too old or too young to use ProActive.

What you may

Look deep into my eyes...the gift you are sending Jon for his birthday should include chocolate-flavored furr balls

Sam and her evil clones.

Becky made these for some loved ones for Christmas. If you didn't get one, it's not because you're not loved, it's probably because you don't love enough.

As Sam tries to squeeze the cyber-life out of you with her death-grip Lucy is trying to save you with her angelic lazer-eyes. Blessed be the young ones.

Bag Tag

I was recently "bag tagged" which means I get to give my friends and family an inventory of the items in my bag. I still carry the diaper bag that the hospital gave us because it is the best if not the prettiest. Before I list, I bag tag: Jen H., Amber, Melissa, Chrissy and Mikelle.

All right Jen, you asked for it:

diapers

formula

toddler & infant clothing that has yet to be puked or pooped on

bag of tissues

4 used and dried up tissues

tampons in case of menstruation or bloody nose

baby formula

plastic bag for transport or disposal of biological waste

Lucy's growth chart from the doctor, which indicates that it's okay that 82% of her mass is cranium

slide whistle

gas drops

5 pens

3 baby bibs

yamaka

cell phone

bottle of Domaine Ste. Michelle, 2004

Sam vs. the Camera

(narrated by Sam herself)

heh heh heh. picture.

It's okay. Look!

Kitchen! That one's in my kitchen.

Pictures. Mommy & Mommy.

I wanna see the uderr mommy.

That one's making cake...brownies...cake.

I wanna see daddy-one. Can I play games now?

Cystic Fibrosis Cure

Our friends (Matt & Charla Schriever) have a little boy with CF and they are having a walk for the cure in May.

If you're interested in donating, go to this site: http://www.cff.org/great_strides/CharlaSchriever5094

Even if you can't donate right now, go to the site and watch the montage that Charla did about little Connor. It's very sweet and opened my eyes to the difficulties of CF.

Chomp-chomp-chomp? Yes yes yes.

Lucy has two teeth, though she still doesn't seem inclined to use them on anything but our fingers. She was fairly ill for a week or so, and the doctor prescribed an antibiotic. For all you parents out there, you should be aware that Omniceph can make your child's feces turn brick red, which can be very alarming. I didn't include a picture.

This is a picture form a few weeks ago when Sam was out hunting elk.

Lessons

Jon is no longer going to be nursing in the exciting world of the Emergency Department. He'll be maintaining life and spending more time with fewer patients on the medical telemetry floor. The transition is somewhat bitter-sweet. We'll miss the stories that the ER afforded, but we'll also not miss many of those same stories. Here's a brief list of the things we've learned from working in the ER:

1. Drinking and driving is bad. It breaks your bones into little pieces and damages your organs until you die. Same goes for drinking and falling, drinking and fighting, and drinking and dating.

2. If your teeth hurt, don't go to the emergency room. ER doctors are not dentists. They can't fix your teeth. Also...brush.

3. Defibrillating shocks can cause aspirated stomach contents to spew five feet into the air. There's more than one reason they say "clear".

4. If you have a growth under your skin, do not try to cut it out with a pocketknife at home. Use a table saw.

5. And finally, cockroaches cannot crawl backwards. So, if they enter a space that's too small for them to turn around, like a human's ear canal, they get stuck and have to be removed in pieces.

Here's a cute baby doing kung fu.

It's a long'un, folks.

Happy Yuletide and a very merry transition to writing 08 on your checks. The Tolman family Christmas was a bit spread out this year since we managed to swing over to Colorado for a grand Tolman family gathering.

We began the ritualistic giving of gifts in Missouri, where the girls were given obnoxiously matching pajamas. Sam actually went to bed when she was told that Santa Claus would be coming to drop off presents.

Sam had been persistently asking for a "Dora bike" ever since she started getting the idea that some mysterious being would be bringing her things. Since Dora doesn't care enough about her fans to make her merchandise affordable, we elected to take a hand-me-down tricycle from her older cousin Cooper and smother it with Dora decals and attach a $5 Dora backback to the front. Sam was excited when we brought it out, but when we asked her what she got she said "A bike...with stickers...and a backback." Oh,well. Get used to it, kid.

New book. Beautiful wife.

After festivities at home, we packed up the car and made a 10-hour overnight journey to Denver where we were able to spend two blessed weeks mooching off Wendell and Deanna Tolman and frolicking about Emily Tolman and the Rachel (Tolman) Terry and Allison (Tolman) Benefield familys.

Sam got a banana and Emily and I were very pleased.

"Then the angel appeared and granted three wishes to the wiseman's camel. 'First, I want a flying machine' said the mischeivious camel."

New book. Beautiful grandmother.

Hyrum Benefield, who is 6 months younger but several pounds heavier than Samantha, spent most of his vacation asking his mother where his Cars were or requesting cheese. The two did manage to bond a bit during "Wonder Pets."

"Holds the world record for the longest bowel movement-over two feet, without a break."

-Becky Tolman

This really is quite relaxing. You can come over and try it.


My father has long been our family's premier jello slurper. He only managed to down the top layer. There's a new king in town. Bow down.

Grumpa the troll.